A Open Letter to Grammar Nazis

A Open Letter to Grammar Nazis

Dear Grammar Nazi,

I know you mean good.

You think your protecting the sanctity of the English language.

But I think your actually turning people of from it. Theirs so much more to language then just spelling and grammar. Theres rhetorical style and content, invention and innovation, evolution and context. And I think threw you’re approach, Grammar Nazi, your doing for English what the real Nazis did for Germany: your giving people a reason to hate something that could otherwise be pretty cool.

Bye saying “you cant say or spell it like that or else your stupid”, you forget, Grammar Nazi, that theirs “descriptive” grammar as well — the informal and intimate kind people use in certain groups when they care little for a “academic” or “professional” appearance. Have you never been moved by words from a rapper who sacrificed syntax to make a verse rhyme? Have you never acknowledged a valid point made in broken English you might of found in a lowly YouTube video comment section? Have you never broken the “rule of three” because you couldn’t think of a third example?  By telling someone they shouldnt ever speak or write that way is like telling someone eating at Mcdonalds not to slouch— theres no need for either of you to impress anyone where you dont have to. Theres a time and place for everything.

I know these mistakes can, make it hard to read. But aren’t you smart enough to know from the context when “the polar bear ate their father” (describing a camping tragedy to the police) and when “the polar bear ate there, father” (talking to a priest about where a bear had brunch)? Isn’t communication kind have what matters the most? Granted, maybe a missing coma can put someone in a comma if its a doctors prescription or something important. But in a casual text message or mundane post on the internet, its harmless if just a bit less efficient to read.

English can be a vastly complicated language and, say you live in Canada like me, your even expected to follow certain rules for standardised spelling. Some “rules” are even myths. They say never end a sentence with a preposition, but alot of times you have to. For all intensive purposes you can live without semi-colons, colons can be cumbersome, and even graduates of Oxford might neglect the Oxford comma to save space in a tweet.

And above all, given our perfectly human capacity to err, I think 90% of the time your not being a Grammar Nazi so much as a Typo Nazi. And while a typo can ruin a person or business’s credibility to someone with a keen eye, I’m not afraid to admit that some of my mistakes here might be unintentional. At the very least, can you admit that you want to correct them because it makes you feel sort have smart?

Sincerely,

A avid lover of English

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10 Things I Love About “Internet English” that Universities Probably Hate

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I love the way academic writing conventions are utterly neglected, if not destroyed, by the average person on the Internet. I’ve seen it enrage many devout academics and grammar nazis, which is fun to watch as they passive-aggressively flip out over the wrong kind of your.

The following are 10 fun examples of how people write around the inter-webs that I can’t help but love:

1. I love when commas, are used so frequently, that the user, sounds like, an asthmatic.

2. I LOVE WHEN A SENTENCE APPEARS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO SIGNIFY YELLING EVEN THOUGH, AS YOU READ IN YOUR HEAD, IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE ENUNCIATING THOROUGHLY.

3. “I love when people plagiarise sentences outright, almost as much as I love when they put something in quotation marks so that we believe it’s from a credible source.” – (Ghandi, 2014)

4. I love when ellipses… are used for dramatic pauses when really… schools tells us that they’re better for omitting part of a…

5. I love it when apostrophe’s function to own a function.

6. I ❤ hw abbrev. r used so oftn tht vwls will prlly bcme unncessry sn.

7. I love when a sentence runs on because it doesn’t end and just continues with no punctuation whatsoever and begins to lose the reader’s interest and any coherence it may have had when a polka dot panda eats a peanut panini.

8. I’m positive I don’t not love double negatives?

9. I. Love. When. Periods. Are. Used. In. Between. Words. To. Emphasize. Each. One. Even. Though. This. Is. F***ing. Tedious.

10. I hate puns. They should be made punishable by law.