C. Spot Runs

C. Spot Runs

CHILD: “See Spot run. Spot runs fast.”

UNIVERSITY STUDENT: “C. Spot runs. No wait! B.”

POLITICIAN: “Spot is running against me? But voters love dogs…”

SALESPERSON: “Running? Spot, see what this car can do for your commute.”

MARKETER: “See how Spot increased his walking speed by 400%.”

HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “Spot: Run like the wind.”

H.R: “I see on Spot’s LinkedIn profile that “running’ is his only skill. He does have 500 endorsements though.”

I.T: “See, Spot is running Windows 8. That’s the problem.”

PSYCHIATRIST: “Why are you running, Spot? Let’s walk together. Through your childhood.”

TEACHER: “Don’t let me see you running in the halls, Spot!”

COMEDIAN: “What’s Spot running from anyway? His drinking problem?”

REPORTER: “See Spot, allegedly rabid dog, chase after elderly white male.”

DRUG DEALER: “I don’t see why Spot ran. Was he holding?”

POLICE OFFICER: “Spot ran when he saw us. We were justified in our use of force.”

LAWYER: “In Spot’s defence, he was merely jogging.”

An *Awkward* Mugging

This is the story of a time I *almost* got mugged. I leave some details out, like how they initially mistook me for someone else they had bad history with, because this story— like most true stories featuring real people—is already somewhat incoherent and illogical. I tell it because, in retrospect, it’s actually kind of funny for a mugging. It happened four summers ago in the middle of  the afternoon.
Continue reading “An *Awkward* Mugging”

Memeglish

 
Memeglish

Image

*Inspired by a particularly bad comment section on the internet that was condemning someone else’s stupidity.


I don’t always speak in internet memes, but when I do

It’s for that awkward moment when

I notice that one does not simply express himself naturally.

Ain’t nobody got time fo’ thought?

It’s gotten Very Wow! One Gif! So Lazy!

Am I Forever Alone in this?

You must have noticed these meme abusers…

There’s Over 9000!!!!