A Hero By Accident (Ch. 1)

A Hero By Accident (Ch. 1)

Chapter 1: The Rubber Throne


Sebastian White chewed his lip anxiously as his eyes panned over the horizon.

His mind was preoccupied with the unwelcome surprise he had recently found sitting on his rubber throne—rubber because he argued it was safer than a throne of iron that he might walk into and wound his toe upon.
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C. Spot Runs

C. Spot Runs

CHILD: “See Spot run. Spot runs fast.”

UNIVERSITY STUDENT: “C. Spot runs. No wait! B.”

POLITICIAN: “Spot is running against me? But voters love dogs…”

SALESPERSON: “Running? Spot, see what this car can do for your commute.”

MARKETER: “See how Spot increased his walking speed by 400%.”

HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: “Spot: Run like the wind.”

H.R: “I see on Spot’s LinkedIn profile that “running’ is his only skill. He does have 500 endorsements though.”

I.T: “See, Spot is running Windows 8. That’s the problem.”

PSYCHIATRIST: “Why are you running, Spot? Let’s walk together. Through your childhood.”

TEACHER: “Don’t let me see you running in the halls, Spot!”

COMEDIAN: “What’s Spot running from anyway? His drinking problem?”

REPORTER: “See Spot, allegedly rabid dog, chase after elderly white male.”

DRUG DEALER: “I don’t see why Spot ran. Was he holding?”

POLICE OFFICER: “Spot ran when he saw us. We were justified in our use of force.”

LAWYER: “In Spot’s defence, he was merely jogging.”

An *Awkward* Mugging

This is the story of a time I *almost* got mugged. I leave some details out, like how they initially mistook me for someone else they had bad history with, because this story— like most true stories featuring real people—is already somewhat incoherent and illogical. I tell it because, in retrospect, it’s actually kind of funny for a mugging. It happened four summers ago in the middle of  the afternoon.
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