Now Hiring: Unpaid Interns

unpaid internships

Are you a recent graduate looking for a job? An exploitative unpaid internship is a great opportunity to get your foot in the door of a successful career— as long as you’ve already got the experience, ambition and knowledge to do it anyway!

We’re looking for someone who:

  • Has related experience in the field
  • Has a post-secondary education and a mountain of student debt
  • Possesses the drive and resourcefulness to acquire caffeinated beverages on request
  • Has the skills and qualifications to be worth his weight
  • And, above all, a willingness to work for free

We know you’re probably groaning at the fact that this is an unpaid position. Big companies often catch a lot of flack for it. We’ve heard all the complaints:

“Why can’t you pay minimum wage at least?”

“Unpaid position? Sounds a lot like skilled slavery.”

“I can’t add GETTING COFFEE to my LinkedIn profile!”

But consider the investment in your future.  Who doesn’t want to get some valuable experience working, for free/working for free? Maybe its ‘not the work you’re trained to do, but at least a job will keep your parents off your back. How can this not be a great opportunity when we use the word opportunity in every other sentence of the job description?

There’s also the chance to make great contacts as well— such as the folks at the cheapest nearby pizza place because you can’t afford a better lunch. A delicious networking opportunity!

 And even if we don’t hire you on for a paid position after— which we probably won’t since we can just hire another intern— it’ll look great on your resume.  What employer wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to hire someone who is willing to work for free? Only the ones who know that a worker without incentive is an unmotivated one. Only the ones who believe in things like equal pay for equal work.

Yes, we may sort-of-but-not-really give you the idea that there’s a paid position waiting at the end of your work term, only to recycle you for another intern, but it’s just part of making this a greener business.  No, not greener for recycling; it’ll be  greener for the money we’re saving.

People make an unpaid internship  look like a bad deal, but they think an unlaid relationship is perfectly fine. They essentially work the same way:

  • Great practice for putting up with demands.
  • You expect a lot of hand-holding while you’re in it.
  • You spend money on travel and gas without proper compensation.
  • You’re doing it out of love and/or desperation—more of the former for relationships and more of the latter for internships.

Most people misunderstand the way an internship works. Just look at the definition of intern:

intern defined

 

Sorry, wrong definition…

 

real internship

And maybe the dictionary doesn’t mention anything specific about being unpaid, but the law says it’s okay when:

labour laws for internships
Source: Ministry of Labour (Ontario)

As you can see, exploitative unpaid internships are perfectly not illegal— as long as we know how to manoeuvre within these vague guidelines that most people don’t even know about.

We once tried calling out for volunteers to work for us and it didn’t turn out so well. But when we called for interns, we got the best volunteers around! Internships exist for people who need training and hands-on experience, so what’s wrong with using this system to source qualified and educated people that we don’t have to pay?

Look at all the bad things that happened when people challenged the status quo: the abolishment of slavery,  female voters, legalized gay marriage.   Sometimes you have to accept that this is just the way things are lest you turn a whole system upside down— a system that exists to benefit our interests. Oh, and yours too.

So apply now! We can’t wait to exploit meet you!

 

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