The Five Worst Things to Do On a First Date

Also “The Five Worst Things to Do on a Second Date”.
Also “The Five Best Ways to Ruin a Date”.

For guys:


  • Tell her that you crunched the numbers and figured that getting a girlfriend would be cheaper than the weekly cost of renting a prostitute.




  • Ask her what’s the likelihood of you getting laid tonight, because that factors into whether you pay for dinner.




  • Talk about your ex. Or current girlfriend. Or bi-curious experimental boyfriend.




  • Give her bruised shins because you got too competitive while playing footsies under the table.




  • Flirt with the waitress when you pay the bill by insinuating that she can get more than “just the tip”.



For girls:


  • Ask how much he makes in a year, how much he’s packing in his pants, how much he sleeps around, any “how much” question that tries to quantify his value as a man.




  • Wear a ridiculous amount of makeup. While most guys like girls who are funny, we usually draw the line when you look like a clown (weird fetishes aside).




  • Talk about your period.  Periods are great for ending sentences or conversations.




  • Ask to go to the bathroom, disappear for 20 minutes, come back and let loose a sigh of relief as you sit down. Society has conditioned men to believe that women do not defecate. We expect the illusion to be maintained.




  • Text incessantly on your phone. When he asks who you’re texting, say “My doctor. How do you spell gonorrhea?”




5 thoughts on “The Five Worst Things to Do On a First Date

  1. My personal first date pet peeve is when an attractive woman starts going on about sex; their favorite positions, their turn ons, adult films they like, etc. I just HATE it when that happens…

      1. So I try and relate the topic back to The Notebook, which always gets a lady’s eyes rolling and then they’re begging to talk about something else.

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