Also “The Five Worst Things to Do on a Second Date”.
Also “The Five Best Ways to Ruin a Date”.
- Tell her that you crunched the numbers and figured that getting a girlfriend would be cheaper than the weekly cost of renting a prostitute.
- Ask her what’s the likelihood of you getting laid tonight, because that factors into whether you pay for dinner.
- Talk about your ex. Or current girlfriend. Or bi-curious experimental boyfriend.
- Give her bruised shins because you got too competitive while playing footsies under the table.
- Flirt with the waitress when you pay the bill by insinuating that she can get more than “just the tip”.
- Ask how much he makes in a year, how much he’s packing in his pants, how much he sleeps around, any “how much” question that tries to quantify his value as a man.
- Wear a ridiculous amount of makeup. While most guys like girls who are funny, we usually draw the line when you look like a clown (weird fetishes aside).
- Talk about your period. Periods are great for ending sentences or conversations.
- Ask to go to the bathroom, disappear for 20 minutes, come back and let loose a sigh of relief as you sit down. Society has conditioned men to believe that women do not defecate. We expect the illusion to be maintained.
- Text incessantly on your phone. When he asks who you’re texting, say “My doctor. How do you spell gonorrhea?”