10 Things I Love About “Internet English” that Universities Probably Hate

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I love the way academic writing conventions are utterly neglected, if not destroyed, by the average person on the Internet. I’ve seen it enrage many devout academics and grammar nazis, which is fun to watch as they passive-aggressively flip out over the wrong kind of your.

The following are 10 fun examples of how people write around the inter-webs that I can’t help but love:

1. I love when commas, are used so frequently, that the user, sounds like, an asthmatic.

2. I LOVE WHEN A SENTENCE APPEARS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO SIGNIFY YELLING EVEN THOUGH, AS YOU READ IN YOUR HEAD, IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOUโ€™RE ENUNCIATING THOROUGHLY.

3. “I love when people plagiarise sentences outright, almost as much as I love when they put something in quotation marks so that we believe it’s from a credible source.” โ€“ (Ghandi, 2014)

4. I love when ellipses… are used for dramatic pauses when reallyโ€ฆ schools tells us that they’re better for omitting part of a…

5. I love it when apostrophe’s function to own a function.

6. I โค hw abbrev. r used so oftn tht vwls will prlly bcme unncessry sn.

7. I love when a sentence runs on because it doesnโ€™t end and just continues with no punctuation whatsoever and begins to lose the reader’s interest and any coherence it may have had when a polka dot panda eats a peanut panini.

8. Iโ€™m positive I donโ€™t not love double negatives?

9. I. Love. When. Periods. Are. Used. In. Between. Words. To. Emphasize. Each. One. Even. Though. This. Is. F***ing. Tedious.

10. I hate puns. They should be made punishable by law.

 

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