15 Things I Learned from Tamil Movies

rajni-4

1. Tamil people are apparently a very fair-skinned race.

2. In Tamil culture it is customary to challenge your girlfriend’s dad (or other dominant male family member) to mortal combat before you can marry her.

3. You can sing and dance in torrential rain while eating ice cream, wearing a sari, and not die of pneumonia before the following scene.

4. The #1 job in most Indian villages is Professional Backup Dancer. The runner-up for most popular career path is Being Somebody’s Henchman.

5. Rajinikanth has superhuman hand-mouth coordination, and the uncanny ability to slow down time while walking.

6. Women will always choose an uneducated guy from the village, who smells like cows, over a rich man from the city with a degree. In other words, guys, that Eau de Cow works better than that Calvin Klein on the ladies.

7. Songs will often cut a couple off as they are about to hug or kiss to censor any hint of sexual contact. Overt violence, however, is perfectly fine for the little ones.

8. Captain Vijayakanth > Captain America.

9. For the ladies: if you want to seduce a guy just bare your stomach ever so slightly. Less is more.

10.  For the guys: how manly people will think you are is directly related to how many of your shirt buttons are buttoned up. Less is more.

11. There is always an auto rickshaw when you need one. Whether you need to stop a wedding or a save your lady’s life from her crazy uncle, there’s always a guy ready to get you there for a few rupees. 

12. It is humanly possible to change clothes, make-up and locations 30+ times in the span of a 5 minute song. 

13. Vijay doesn’t age.

14. Tamil is a poetic language that can make a girl’s heart melt. But not as it appears in the poorly translated English subtitles. “You make my blood pressure rise <3” or “I wanted you since I hit puberty <3” doesn’t work. I’ve tried.

15. Nearly every Tamil movie belongs in the  romantic superhero  musical comedy drama genre.

A short clip to end this post. Lessons 4,5,10 and 15 are strongly represented here.

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